it's been a while

Wow, I can't believe how much has happened since I last came on here! It is so weird to go through old posts, they all just seem like such a long time ago.

Went to Kentucky

Went to Cabo for the second time

Took the boys on their first plane ride to NYC

Parker turned 4, then 5. Started T-k at his Elementary school

Hudson turned 2, then 3. Started preschool.

Garrett had his big 30.

We celebrated our 5th and 6th anniversaries.

We have been pregnant 3 times. 

Finally adding baby number three to our family this June after two extremely painful miscarriages last year.

Last year was one of the hardest years of my life. The most trying, painful, confusing, scary, faith strengthening, promising times in our lives. We kept going back and forth on whether we were going to add another baby to our family. I was a little more into the idea than Garrett, but we just kind of lived our lives and didn't plan anything out.

Well, we got pregnant. Not purposefully, but completely and fully welcomed.

6 1/2 weeks later, our baby was gone. Heartbroken and so much physical and mental pain I never expected to go through. In a sense, it was a blessing because we did realize just how much we wanted another baby. Not that it took losing our baby to know that, but it just made it so clear.

We couldn't wait to start trying again, and it took 3 months. Forever when you want a baby so bad. 7 1/2 weeks later, our baby was gone. Heartbroken again, and so much physical and mental pain that I never would have expected to experience TWICE. Twice. Why? After testing, waiting a month per doctors orders, being referred to an infertility specialist in case we wanted to go that route, we were anxiously and nervously waiting to be able to try again. God blessed us with a sweet baby that very first month. And here we are, 21 weeks later with sweet baby number three (or five).  Our little rainbow after the storm baby. 

This baby is more wanted than anything. After two healthy pregnancies with Parker and Hudson, I just assumed it would be like that every time, and it wasn't.

Still at 21 weeks, I am nervous every single day of this pregnancy. It's hard to relax when things went wrong twice. I am trying my hardest to enjoy these 40 weeks, knowing they are most likely my last as a pregnant mama... and it's making it that much more special feeling this sweet baby kick and reminding me how blessed and grateful we are.

We chose to not find out the gender this time. It's just so not important to us after all we've been through. A healthy baby is truly all that matters. 

And I hear that that delivery room surprise is just amazing.

Parker says girl, Hudson says boy.

And Hudson is the sweetest... he'll just come up and smoosh his little lips on my belly and give it a kiss. Sweetest brothers ever. They are going to be so great, I can't even wait to see them as big brothers together.

Parker was absolutely devastated after losing our two babies... he kept saying "when do we get a baby to keep? Why does God keep taking our babies?" I think he's almost nervous to get attached to this baby until it's actually here. My poor sensitive little guy.

So happy to have two sweet babies to snuggle for eternity when we get to Heaven. Mama can't wait to meet you, little loves.

Thanks for sharing in our family's journey. And here's some pictures over the past couple of years (gasp) since I've majorly slacked :)

 20 weeks. Half way there, baby love.

we are family

How can you not be in love with your life when you have these three adorable guys in it?

Miss Aubrey

Saturday morning I hopped on a plane to a state I had never been, to meet people I had never met. As soon as I landed I was welcomed by my friend Suzanne and her two girls Sophia and Ella.
It was like we had been friends forever, and her girls ran right to me :)

We had planned on going to the hospital to see Aubrey, but she had had a really rough night on Friday. So we ended up going out to dinner with Lacey and her friend. We went to go meet Lacey and I of course gave her a big huge hug. A few minutes later it comes up that she isn't a hugger. Ha! The one thing I've been saying I want to do all the time is give her a real life hug. She stuck her hand out and gave me knuckles in the car. I was cracking up. (Don't tell anyone, but she gave me hugs the rest of the weekend.) ;)


suzanne, lacey, me

After dinner it started snowing. And of course like a little girl who had never seen snow fall before (I know, I know. But I live next to the beach.) I jumped out of the car to stand in the snow. It was just as beautiful as I had imagined. I agree, it was quite annoying the rest of the time, but it is just so pretty to look at!
watching the snow fall.

We all talked like old friends at dinner. It was nice to have some girl time, and it is nice for Lacey to get some breaks every once in a while.
Then we headed back to their Ronald McDonald apartment and hung out with her parents. They are super fun, and you can tell they are such a close knit family. We all just talked about Aubrey and life into the early hours of the morning.

Sunday night we went to the hospital. We were afraid we wouldn't get to see Aubrey since every little move, noise and light would wake her up and cause her to start moving around uncomfortably. She had happened to have a really good night Saturday night, so Lacey said it was okay to go in and see her. Just walking in to the hospital brought back memories of Parker. The red wagons the kids get to ride out of the hospital in when they get to go home, the gift shop where you don't know if you want to buy something to remember this horrible time, or if you should so you can remember where your baby got better. We spent the worst week of our lives at a children's hospital, so I can't even begin to imagine what spending over five months in one feels like for Lacey and Dustin.

We suited up in a gown, gloves and mask and went to in to Aubrey's room. I teared up the second I saw her. I feel like I've known her forever, and I care for her like my own. It takes everything I have to not imagine Hudson in her place since they are the same age and they remind me a lot of each other.
Aubrey looked like a little sleeping angel. She is so beautiful. I just wanted to kiss her little cheeks and scoop her up and snuggle. Hopefully some day soon!
She had a breathing tube (which is out now!) and she kept trying to swat it out. Poor thing. But other than that, she looked so comfortable, and would get calmed down so easily by her mama's touch and voice. It was a relief seeing her in person. You just get the overwhelming feeling that she is going to be okay. She is going to be a healthy little girl soon.


one of the most precious moments ever.

We stayed in there a few hours just talking, watching Aubrey sleep, staring at her adorable face. It was just lovely feeling the love surrounding that little girl. If you wonder why she's such a miracle, just look around. She has thousands upon thousands of people praying for her every day, a family who never leaves her side, and an amazing support system.
I pray that no one has to go through this, but if so, you are blessed with an amazing family like the Deno's.

I wish I could have stayed longer. I loved being with those girls, but we have already decided they are going to make a California trip when Aubrey is all better. :)
I soaked up playing with three little girls all weekend. Painting nails, doing makeup, playing with Barbies. I missed my boys, but I really needed a break from the tractors and dinosaurs!

I cannot wait to see Aubrey leave that hospital and run around with her sister like she should be doing.

Thank you, Lacey, Dustin, Suzanne and everyone else for welcoming me. I had an unforgettable weekend.

Aubrey

So you remember that sweet little girl named Aubrey I've been talking about? She has been fighting for her life against Leukemia? Well she is cancer free, is now 100% of her donor's marrow, and is now fighting for her life again. She has a condition called SOS caused by the bone marrow transplant and it affects her liver. There is one medication in the world that can save her, and it hasn't been doing it's job. Her bilirubin numbers have been steadily climbing (meaning the liver isn't working), meaning the medication isn't working. That is until today; her mom, Lacey's birthday. They saw a DRAMATIC decrease in her bili numbers (from 17.3 to 13.3).
This is the miracle we have all been praying for and continue to pray for!

Even though I've never met Aubrey, I just know she is a fighter. She does everything on her own time and in her own special way.

I have been telling Garrett how much I want to go see Lacey and Aubrey for months now, but it just didn't seem really practical. Last Wednesday night I started searching for flights to Indiana. I had never felt the "God is telling me to do this" feeling, but I did that night. As I was looking at flights a friend randomly messaged me. I told her what I was doing and she told me that she was flying there on the 22nd to see her family and to visit Lacey. She generously offered for me to stay with her family and her.
This all fell in to place within an hour, and I booked my flight. I am not the type of person who does this. I don't fly alone, travel somewhere I've never been with people I've never met. But I am. And I love it.
I have talked to Lacey so many times and I've always offered her virtual hugs, but I have said so many times that I can't wait to give her a real hug. That might be one of the things I'm looking forward to most about this trip. And I can't wait to see the little girl who has changed thousands of lives. She is still just a baby and has no idea what kind of impact she has had on me and my family, and I can't wait to tell her.


I am really nervous about being in a Children's Hospital again. I haven't been in one since Parker's one week stay when he was a newborn. When I thought I might lose my baby. He proved to be a miracle baby, and I hope that Aubrey is too :)
I know that what we went through was so much smaller in comparison, but to think you could lose your child is the worst feeling in the whole world. We had a lot of rough days and nights in that hospital and I can't imagine being there for months without my other baby like Lacey and Dustin are doing.

I can't wait to experience the love of the Deno family, and to see sweet Aubrey's face.
This is going to be an unforgettable weekend.

If you want to keep up with how Aubrey's doing, you can follow her Caring Bridge page.

DOMINICAN

We had such a good time on vacation. It was such a nice way to spend our four year anniversary in the very spot we honeymooned... and with friends this time.
The weather was a little funky the first couple of days, but it was fun to just lounge in the lobby bar and play games and drink fruity concoctions!

LOVED the time alone, but we discovered one thing: we're bringing the babes with us on the next vacation. We missed them too dang much ;)

Goodbye 2010

You have been good to us, you have been bad to us, but we are ready for a fresh start!

The good:
I got to watch my two babies grow into little boys.
Parker was potty trained (it's been almost a year... crazy!)
Parker started preschool, and loves it.
Hudson got to stop his acid reflux medication.
Garrett and I got to take a week long vacation and just enjoy time with each other. (I really need to post pictures... maybe next year ;) )
We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and clothes on our bodies.

The bad:
Nana passed away. And seeing Papaw (and our whole family) in so much pain has been heartbreaking.
Watching a friend's baby go through Leukemia. Seeing her hurdles and struggles is just devastatingly sad.

What I'm looking forward to:
Looking in to becoming home owners.
Hopefully getting a niece or nephew from a certain brother and sister in law :)
Having a 2 and 4 year old! When did they get so big??
Taking the boys to the snow next winter.
Celebrating our fifth year of marriage <3

Getaway

In five days we will be sitting right here:

My stomach hurts because I already miss my babies so much. But it is going to do a lot for us to have a week away together with friends. Sleep, drinks, dinner, snorkeling, lounging... all without kids. Sounds refreshing.
We should come back a very relaxed momma and dadda :)

How am I this lucky?

To have the most gorgeous 3 year old in the whole world.
I feel so blessed. This is my baby. The little baby that was curled up inside my belly for nine months.
I am so thankful for photos so that I can remember these moments years from now when I'm missing my little baby.

THREE

My baby boy is "FREE!" - as he calls it.
He even tries to put up his three cute little fingers, but hasn't quite mastered keeping the thumb and pinky tucked in ;)

Parker, you changed my whole world the day you were born. November 3, 2007 I became a momma. Your momma. I didn't know I could love someone as much as daddy, but I do. And I didn't think I could love another baby as much as you, but I do. You three boys are my whole world, and I can't imagine my life without you. And believe me, I thought I might have to live my life without you after you first week of life. You scared us SO bad. I am so glad you are the little miracle baby and stayed with us because you are the light of my life.
You are funny, smart, sneaky, cheeky, and oh so stinkin cute. You can make anybody laugh... just like daddy.
Feel free to stay little forever because I don't want you to grow up!
I love you so much, buddy. You will always be my little baby.